Consumed
by obsessedwithstabler
Summary: Baby, this pain is worse than it ever was. I know that you can't hear me, but I need you to save me tonight...


A heart-breaking oneshot based on Rascal Flatt's Come Wake Me Up. There are mentions of Lassiet, and of a major character death. Read on at your own risk.

**For Loafer, because she said I wouldn't.**

Disclaimer: Not mine!

PsychPsychPsychPsych

"Juliet…"

The sound of her name on his lips brought a fresh wave of pain over Carlton Lassiter. He was sitting alone in his living room, a bottle of scotch in his hand and an abandoned shot glass on the coffee table in front of himself. He brought the bottle to his lips and took another deep gulp, relishing the burn of the liquid as it splashed down his throat.

All around him, there were pictures and memories of another life, a life in which he had been truly happy. He had been happy with her. Why did she have to go?

Fresh tears burned his cerulean eyes. Could he have done anything differently? Could he have loved her better, maybe spent less time at work and more time at home with her, just the two of them? Should he have tried harder to be a better husband, a better partner and lover? He felt sick as he went over and over in his mind, all the things he could have done different or better.

Setting the bottle down, Lassiter leaned back against the couch and closed his eyes. But as soon as he did, he was bombarded with the memory of her beautiful smile. His eyes flew open again.

Would this torture ever stop? Did he even want it to?

_I can usually drink you right off of my mind_

_But I miss you tonight_

_I can normally push you right out of my heart_

_But I'm too tired to fight_

Stumbling to his feet, Lassiter moved over to the wall, where dozens of pictures of Juliet hung. His eyes fell on his favorite one, the two of them after a company softball game, and he was breathless all over again. Why did she have to go? He had understood why his first wife left him; he had been an ass and not told her that he wanted children like she did. He hadn't fought for her, and in the end a divorce had been unavoidable, even though he had tried to hold on long after she had moved on.

With Juliet, it had been so…different. He had fought his feelings for her for years, and as a result he had been subjected to watching her resist, and eventually she fell for Shawn Spencer. It had been pure torture for him, but it was his own damn fault for not speaking up. And for so long, he had been convinced that she was going to marry Spencer, and he would never have a chance with her.

Then the unthinkable had happened. Spencer broke up with Juliet, leaving her devastated and heart-broken. After beating the hell out of Spencer for hurting her, Lassiter had gone to make sure that Juliet was okay. Maybe showing up on her doorstep bloody and bruised had not been the best idea, but what followed could only be described as the most amazing night of his life. Having her in his arms, being able to hold her, to love her with reckless abandon… It had been indescribable.

His blurry gaze fell on his left hand and the gold band that adorned his ring finger, and he couldn't help thinking about the day that Juliet had placed it there. He had proposed to her only four months after that first night because for the first time in too long, he was absolutely certain that he was doing the right thing. The look on Juliet's face when he offered her the ring had only cemented that thought in his mind.

The wedding took place less than three months after he proposed, mostly because Juliet didn't want a large wedding and he wanted whatever she wanted. She had been the most beautiful bride he had ever seen. Her entire family had flown in from Miami, and half of the Santa Barbara police department was in attendance. His mother and her girlfriend had also attended, but most of the wedding guests were hers and he was perfectly fine with that. All that mattered to him was that they were getting married. The moment he heard her say, "I do," he knew that his life was finally perfect.

Now it was completely shattered, and the splintered remains shredded whatever was left of his broken heart.

_Yeah, the whole thing begins_

_And I let you sink into my veins_

_And I feel the pain like it's new_

_Everything that we were_

_Everything that you said_

_Everything that I did and that I couldn't do_

_Plays through tonight_

Suddenly filled with impotent rage, Lassiter snarled and slammed his hand against the wall. Bones in his hand broke, but he just didn't care. Why did she have to go? Pain exploded through his hand, but it was eclipsed by the agony in his heart and the devastation of losing her. They had been married for two years, and now she was gone.

Gone.

Swearing, Lassiter spun around and lurched across the room, his gait unsteady and his breathing labored. The memories washed over him, despite his best efforts to keep them at bay. He didn't want to remember. He wanted to drink away every moment, every ounce of happiness he had ever shared with Juliet. He wanted the pain gone. But at the same time, he needed that pain because it was a constant reminder that what they'd shared was real. It happened. For the rest of his miserable existence, he would remember, and no amount of scotch or whiskey could make the pain go away completely. It would only lessen it temporarily.

Grabbing the half-empty bottle he had abandoned earlier, he carried it into the kitchen and reluctantly poured the liquid down the sink. His red-rimmed eyes watched the alcohol swirl around and slowly disappear down the drain, out of his sight.

Once the bottle was completely empty, Lassiter dumped it into the garbage. Then he stood there, swaying slightly and breathing hard.

But as he stood there, a soft noise from the other side of the house caught his attention. Moving unsteadily, Lassiter moved in the direction of the noise.

The room beside his bedroom was dark, and Lassiter fumbled with the light switch before the room was bathed in light. Immediately his head protested, but he managed to make his way to the crib that rested against the wall.

In her crib, Molly fussed and chewed on her fingers. But when she saw her father, her little face broke out in a bright smile. Removing her hand from her mouth, she reached up toward his face and cooed.

This time he couldn't stop the tears as they ran freely down his cheeks. Ignoring the pain in his hand, he reached down and lifted his baby into his arms. Then he sat down in the rocking chair by the window and held Molly close.

Comforted by her father's closeness, Molly snuggled into his chest and yawned.

More tears fell as Lassiter watched his little girl. She had Juliet's eyes and mouth, and she had her mother's smile. The same smile that had won him over all those years ago now graced their little daughter's sweet face.

"Why did you go, Juliet?" he whispered, absently brushing a stray curl away from Molly's forehead. He knew he wouldn't get an answer; no matter how many times he asked that question, there was never a response.

Juliet was gone, killed by a drunken driver three months ago. Their baby had been in the backseat, and it was only because of her miraculous survival that he had not eaten his gun. He had to keep going and take care of their baby. Juliet would never forgive him for doing otherwise.

Closing his eyes, he slowly rocked back and forth in the chair, his heart aching.

_Tonight your memory burns like a fire_

_With every one, it grows higher and higher_

_And I just can't get over it, I just can't put out this love_

_I just sit in these flames and pray that you'll come back_

_Close my eyes tightly, hold on and hope that I'm dreaming_

_Come wake me up_

Once Molly was asleep again, Lassiter rested his head against the back of the chair and closed his own eyes.

"I need you, Juliet."

But there was no answer to his heartfelt plea, and he had never felt more lost.

_Come wake me up_

The End.

A/N: Aww, Lassie. Thanks for reading, and please review!


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